Life Notes: Your parenting vision

LIFE NOTESStacy Hawkins Adams In a pre-Mother's Day column, I challenged moms and dads to consider their vision as parents and gauge whether they're meeting their goals.

Their honest feedback reminded me that while parenting can be the toughest job in the world, it's also the occupation that can mold us into better, wiser individuals.

Here are some of the questions and responses I received. Whether you're a parent, grandparent or care-giving adult, I hope you'll respond too (if you haven't already) and better enjoy this season of child-rearing.

What do you enjoy most or appreciate about being a mother?

Becci Askew of Chesterfield County, mother of two children, ages 6 and 8: "I most enjoy the trust that my kids put in me and my abilities. They trust that I love them, they trust that I will take care of them, and they trust that I'll be there. Somehow by being a mom, I gained the ability to kiss away pain, hug away stress, and instill courage by holding their hand. The faith that my kids have in me to do any of these things is very humbling."

What one thing would you do differently, or better, if you had the opportunity or resources?

Kimberly Dunham-Christian of Richmond, mother of eight children, ages 5 to 24: "I would have home-schooled my children full time. It has been wonderful preparing each one for school, and the satisfaction of knowing that they are prepared to meet the world not just educationally, but spiritually, socially and emotionally has been very important to me."

Beverly Jennette of Richmond, mother of three and grandmother of four, ages 16 months to 7 years: "I can remember tucking my children into bed and thinking, 'Please go to sleep -- I have dishes to do, bills to pay, laundry to fold. . . . It never all got done anyway. I would give most of what I own to have my little ones in my arms, snuggled into my neck and making little baby sounds again. The closest I come -- and this time I appreciate it -- is with my grands!"

What kind of legacy would you like to leave to your child/children?

Dunham-Christian: "One of trust, love and a deep abiding faith in God. I want them to be able to look back on their lives from beginning to end and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were loved, completely and unconditionally. I want them to remember to stay strong and have faith when times are tough . . . and lastly to be true to self. Don't let anyone steal your dreams, hopes or desires."

Askew: "I want my kids to embrace the opportunities that they have before them. Nothing is worse than seeing a child with potential and opportunity do nothing with it. Hard work and perseverance are how you succeed."

Parenting doesn't come with instructions. If you could get expert advice (that you know would work), what would you ask?

Dunham-Christian: "How do you handle the rising level of hormones when you have five girls in the house? Just kidding -- I don't think anyone can give me a magic answer for this question. It is something I will have to live through and discover one step at a time, especially since each one is an individual with their own set of issues/needs/dramas. But just for the record -- boys are much easier than girls, and should I survive these girls I will be a much better person for having gone through it!"

Jennette: "I read an article about Mr. Rogers and the influence his grandfather had on him. After every visit, his grandfather whispered in his ear, 'Today was such a good day because I got to see you.' I love the sentiment and try to remember to whisper it to my grands."

Stacy Hawkins Adams is a Chesterfield County-based novelist, professional speaker and freelance writer. She's also a wife and mom, with a son and daughter ages 8 and 11. She can be contacted at stacy@stacyhawkinsadams.com.