Does your daughter know and love who she is?
It's a rhetorical question that a noted psychologist wants parents to ask themselves, because research shows that our nation's cultural "norms" often leave girls confused or worse.
Catherine Steiner-Adair will visit Richmond on Thursday to inform parents how one's social and emotional environments impact girls' self-confidence.
"There's a whole girl code in our society that parents need to be aware of how to unpack and understand," said Steiner-Adair, an authority on eating disorders and director of eating disorders prevention and education at the Klarman Eating Disorders Center at McLean Hospital in Boston. Steiner-Adair also serves as a clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School.
Orchard House School is hosting Steiner-Adair's lecture as part of the girls school's The Deciding Factors series, which aims to provide relevant information about issues facing adolescents.
Steiner-Adair, a former psychologist at Phillips Academy Andover, a Massachusetts boarding school, will highlight her research and work with middle school girls, but she urges parents to learn strategies that can help their daughters.
The three pivotal periods during which girls tend to develop eating disorders are the transition from high school to college; the transition from middle school to high school and as young as age 9, Steiner-Adair said.
"It all depends on who their ideal of the perfect girl is," she said. "When some girls feel wobbly, [that means] they've already absorbed the cultural message that if only they were skinnier they'd be more popular or they would have gotten the lead role in the school musical."
Her lecture won't yield much advice for parents whose daughters are battling an eating disorder, she said. Instead, she will help parents whose daughters seem to be going through life OK examine how their children are faring.
"I spent many years trying to figure out [how] we can prevent our wonderful 12-, 13-, 14- and 15-year-old girls from falling prey to the message that no matter how smart and talented you are, if you don't look a certain way, you really don't matter," Steiner-Adair said.
Her research resulted in Full of Ourselves, a wellness program that advances girl power, health and leadership. The curriculum is used in school systems and on college campuses nationwide, she said.
On Thursday, she will share 10 things parents can do during their daughters' lives to motivate them.
"Part of what I teach parents to teach their kids is that people come in all different body sizes and shapes," Steiner-Adair said.
"Just like it's not fair to judge somebody on the color of their body, it's not fair to judge somebody on the shape of their body.
"Only a teeny portion [of my advice] has to do with food and exercise. It's much more about helping your daughter deconstruct negative messages in the culture about what it means to be a successful female."
Steiner-Adair also will delve into how parents view their own bodies.
"The messages we pass on to our children are very powerful, whether positive or negative," she said.
Her Orchard House lecture will focus on girls because 80 percent of Americans who suffer from eating disorders are female, she said.
She is prepared, though, to discuss the growing concern about boys.
"There's an increase in eating disorders for boys in this country in the opposite direction, with steroid abuse and guys wanting to be more buff."
Either way, Steiner-Adair said, eating disorders are a culturally mediated disease that kills and does not have to exist.
She's determined to help parents and society stop viewing the disease as a source of psychological shame and instead embrace the fact that it is a social justice issue.
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