Q: I'm worried about my father's driving. At 84, his driving skills have diminished significantly, but I know he's bound and determined to keep going as long as he's alive. What tips can you recommend that can help me help my dad stop driving?
A: Although there's no one simple way to handle this issue, here are a number of tips and resources you can try to help ease your dad away from driving.
The first thing you need to do is take a ride with him to watch for problems. For example: Does he drive too slow or too fast? Does he tailgate or drift between lanes? Does he have difficulty seeing, backing up or changing lanes? Does he react slowly? Does he get distracted or confused easily? Also, has your dad had any fender benders or tickets lately, or have you noticed any dents or scrapes on his vehicle? These, too, are red flags.
After your assessment, you need to have a talk with your dad about your concerns, but don't sound alarmed. If you begin with a dramatic outburst like "Dad, you're going to kill someone!" you're likely to trigger resistance. Start by gently expressing that you're worried about his safety.
For tips on how to talk to your dad about this touchy topic, the Hartford Financial Services Group and MIT AgeLab offers guides titled "Family Conversations with Older Drivers" and "Family Conversations about Alzheimer's Disease, Dementia & Driving" that can help, along with an online seminar called "We Need to Talk" that was produced by AARP. To access these free resources, visit www.safedrivingforalifetime.com.
Like many seniors, your dad may not realize his driving skills have slipped. If this is the case, consider signing him up for an older-driver refresher course through AARP (www.aarp.org/drive, (888) 227-7669), your local AAA or a driving school.
By becoming aware of his limitations, your dad may be able to make simple adjustments — such as driving only in daylight or on familiar routes — that can help keep him safe. Or, he may decide to hang up the keys on his own.
If, however, you believe he has reached the point that he can no longer drive safely, but he refuses to quit, you have several options. One possible solution is to suggest a visit to his doctor, who can give him a medical evaluation and, if warranted, "prescribe" that he stops driving. Older people often listen to their doctor before they listen to their family.
If that doesn't do it, ask him to get a comprehensive driving evaluation done by a driver rehabilitation specialist, although this can cost several hundred dollars. A driving evaluation will test your dad's cognition, vision and motor skills, as well as his on-road driving abilities. To locate a specialist in your area, contact the Association of Driver Rehabilitation Specialists (www.driver-ed.org, (866) 672-9466) or the American Occupational Therapy Association (www.aota.org/older-driver).
If he still refuses to move to the passenger seat, call your Department of Motor Vehicles to see if they can help. Or call a lawyer to discuss with your dad the potential financial and legal consequences of a crash or injury. If all else fails, you may have to take away his keys.
After your dad stops driving he's going to need other ways to get around, so help him create a list of family, friends and transportation services that he can call on. To locate transportation services, call the Area Agency on Aging, (800) 677-1116, for contact information.
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