Virginia lawyer owes half-million dollars in child support

one89 - You are dead on.  It makes it very confrontational.  What’s funny is in my situation I actually was legitimately late one time when it was not court ordered.  I told her I was late.  She blew up and was furious!  She would actually write checks in lieu of her gettimg the money.  I was only some days behind!!!  So in the midst of all that she took me to court over one time being late, and I got a new job.  Well when we get to court the judge IMMEDIATELY had an attitude with me and told me I better not be late and ordered my payment retro to the beginning of the month.  I came in there neatly dressed, talked proper English, and she treated me as if I was ODB or something?  Not to forget my payment went up 500 bucks!  In lieu of the new job.  I took it like a man and kept it moving.  My daughter was never neglected, I did everything with her before and still do.  I think the system in VA is very biased against dads and they think we all are the same whereas I am not!  The system needs to be reinvented.  lovin - I am totally in support to what you are doing with your kids.  He only gets off paying 700 bucks?  Geez I wish I was.  LOL.

lovin: I applaud you that you are doing these things for your kids—and yes, I absolutely believe that their father should help take care of them, pay child support and be involved in their lives. That is also his responsibility as a father.  And I also know that there is nothing “absolute” so I know that there are many custodial parents who are like yourself and do the right thing, but I would venture to guess that there are just as many who do not. Just like with any system, many people abuse it and use it as a form of income—rather than truly looking out for the best interest of their children.  If there is a way to “beat the system” then there will always be somebody standing by with a “stick” to do just that! 

As for what is need to provide for their kids - your comments hold true for guardians of children receiving SSI who also must provide those same things—but they are not allowed to use any of the money for those necessities—and these people are just the “guardians” not the parents, so they in all honesty have no “legal” responsibility to the children except what they willing take on; whereas biological parents “decide” to become parents and this is their blood.  If anyone should be allowed to use the funds for housing and the like, it should be guardians.

I reiterate - I think both parents should be held responsible for their kids, but I also think that the system should be fair. I believe that the system as it currently is administered facilitates bad behavior by one custodial parent because they only focus on the money and not the whole child—perhaps a holistic approach is needed. There should be a concerted effort by the system to encourage parental involvement by both parents and that does not seek to alienate parents from their kids. The entire process is confrontational and functions as a conduit to increasing the anger and frustration of two individuals who are already at odds. Nothing about the process is concerned with the welfare of the children outside of the monetary award.  Therein lies the problem…

Posted by ( FrankSmith ) on July 13, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Guess what?  You have to pay your share too.  Your ex can’t be expected to pay 100% of the childcare, as you seem to be expecting…

I do not expect him to pay 100%, but if he can’t pay co-pays and for their insurance, LIKE THE FATHER IS SUPPOSED TO DO then I feel like him paying for daycare alone is the least he CAN DO!

This man has to pay this much based on how much he was or is making. That is how its calculated when deciding child support. They take the mother’s pay and the father’s and see who makes more and that means they will provide most of the support for that child. Now I don’t see why he can just spend all that money and not think twice about his kid. The amount may be a little extreme but it was obviously an amount the courts or DCSE felt he could afford or he wouldn’t have been stuck paying that amount. Its that way with anyone making lots of dough. Look at all the athletes, actors, and high profile ppl that get caught up paying these prices for child support and alimony. And since this man obviously was not even bothering to see the child or visit, he should pay all that he owes. Fathers either need to spend the time or the money. You can’t have neither!!!

One89, I would have to disagree w/most of what you said, as I am a “custodial” parent receiving child support for my 2 kids by the same father(twins), and I do use the child support for my kids as well as the household. Yes I would have a dwelling if I did not have kids, but I could live much cheaper if it were only me. I need to provide extra space for my kids to sleep. I also have to buy EXTRA food for them to eat and clothes, shoes, books, toys, etc. for them to live. I could use LESS water that creates higher bills. I only get close to $700 a month for both of them and they have daycare which takes over 1/2 that amount. So what is left over is not really enough to take care of all the needs of my kids. More than likely I am spending my money on the necessities of my kids from day to day until the child support comes and every time I get it, I do not feel the need to go out and buy them something new just because it is their money. So if I feel they do not NEED anything when I do get the check and there is extra, I put it into the household because I don’t get ANY benefits from the government.

I have to pay for groceries out of pocket. Co-pays for dr. appts. Time off work for sick kids. McDonald’s after school and before school. Wknd trips to WC or BG’s so they can be entertained. I do share custody w/my kids father. He gets them every other wknd. So he is not doing nearly as much for them as I am on a day to day bases. He is also in arrears w/child support and do you think I care? Not at all because he put himself in that predicament. We could have handled this outside of court if he wasn’t so selfish and inconsiderate and so he brought it on himself just like a lot of fathers do. They don’t want to let up off the money for the mother who has the child FULL TIME. They want to regulate what exactly is done with the money at all times, but you can’t live like that. Once it leaves their pockets, they just need to let it go. They should just know in their hearts or hope that it is going to good use and unless their kid is showing signs of neglect, they should assume the child is being taken care of with their money or the custodial parent’s money. It doesn’t really matter.

Some women do take advantage of the system, but not all and a lot of men are just trifling as to how they take care of their kids and they need to be held accountable as well. Every time I ask my kids father to do anything outside of his wknd time, he has to “check his schedule”. What type of nonsense is that for a child that you are supposed to be willing to give your life for??? So I would rather have the money for my kids and myself than him around being a part time DADDY!!!