Dad shares how daughter taught him to be attentive parent

Arjun Sen credits his daughter with transforming him into a good father.

Raka, his only child, has spent the past eight years "raising" him, he said, and now that she's 16, he is grateful for her guidance.

Sen, of Centennial, Colo., considered himself a typical dad until the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

He worked seven days a week for a Fortune 500 company and believed that by providing a comfortable life for his family, he was fulfilling his parental role.

On the day of those tragic attacks, however, Sen slowed down long enough to listen to Raka. The 8-year-old didn't say anything she hadn't said before, but this time Sen heard her.

"A carefree conversation became more serious," he said recently by phone from Colorado. "She said, 'Dad, you don't know me.'

"She went and wrote on a piece of paper: 'Who's my best friend?' 'What's the most fun thing we've done?' and 'What's my favorite restaurant?'

"I did not know her best friend or her favorite restaurant," Sen said. "I thought the most fun thing we had done together would be me taking her to the [Kentucky] Derby -- big things. When she gave me the answer, the answer was the time I surprised her at school and took her for a 99 cents ice cream across the street, to McDonald's."

Sen promised to spend more time with Raka, but she didn't believe him.

Stunned by the depth of her mistrust, he took a drastic step. The next day, without prior planning or job prospects, he quit his job as vice president of marketing and operations for a major U.S. company.

"All of us have to hit an ultimate low to get up and change directions," Sen said. "For me that day to fail to answer the questions was to realize that the way I was going, when I was 65 or 70 years old I would get two phone calls [a year] from my daughter. I realized I wouldn't know this child, and I asked myself, 'Is that what I want in life?'"

Sen's answer was no, and he established a marketing consulting firm that he could operate from home.

The first few years were lean. During that period, he took any kind of work that came his way just to keep the bills paid and spend time with Raka after school.

In the years since he made that pivotal decision, Sen says his relationship with Raka has blossomed. He's encouraging other dads to consider what they'll gain by embracing fatherhood.

"In this job, you are in charge of guarding the most important thing in life," said Sen, who published a book in September called "Raising a Father: Memoirs of a Dad Challenged by His Daughter to Live for Today's Special Moments."

His advice to other fathers?

"Evaluate and see if there's something you can change," he said. "Move your life fast forward and see what will matter then."

Sen doesn't see Raka every day since he and her mother divorced six years ago. But he lives less than 2 miles from her and spends three to four days a week with her.

"I'm fortunate that I got this wake-up call when she was 8 years old," he said. "I did not have the realization when she was getting married. That would have been too late."

Stacy Hawkins Adams is a Chesterfield County-based novelist, professional speaker and freelance writer. She's also a wife and mom, with a son and daughter ages 8 and 11. She can be contacted at .