Guest columnist: School reunions proved refreshing, enlightening

The script usually opens with the basics:

"Great to see you! How are you? Where are you? Are you married? Kids? Job?" The answers, naturally, vary with the respondent. But they are the opening for many a class reunion conversation.

This summer was a "two-fer" for me on the reunion front. I had my 20th college reunion and my 24th high school reunion. For the latter, my class piggybacked on the 25th reunion of the class before it.

I approached both with a mixture of excitement and wariness, wondering who would return, what we would discuss, and -- of course -- if I really would lose 10 pounds in advance. (Instead of a crash diet, I bought a new skirt.)

I am not in the habit of attending reunions. I live hundreds of miles away from my hometown of Bluefield, W.Va., and for many years also lived far from my college alma mater, the University of Virginia. I had never been to a high school reunion; my class only had one before this year's.

The one college reunion I attended, my 10th, was more of a personal reunion with a group of tightly knit friends. We booked rooms in the same dorm and spent much of our time together. We participated in only a few organized activities.

As this summer approached, I realized I would have a couple of close friends at the high school reunion but no one from the college crowd -- except for my husband; I had met him at college, but he was not in my graduating class. Because my college gathering was first, I decided to participate differently, by attending seminars offered throughout the weekend and making more of an effort to reach out to former classmates with whom I'd lost touch.

What I discovered was enlightening.

Because I was untethered from my closest friends, I was more open to conversations with people I had not seen or spoken with in 10 or 20 years.

At the 10th reunion, I remember feeling as though we were trying to impress one another with the progress we had made since graduation. But now, two decades later, that need had evaporated.

Some of us have jobs we want; some don't. Some, like me, are enmeshed in child-rearing; some aren't. Many of us are concerned about our parents, who are suddenly older and face issues that frequently involve us. Most of us openly shared the challenges we face, whether personal or professional.

It was refreshing.

I found more of the same at the high school reunion. While it was tempting, at first, to assess how we all had aged, it quickly became obvious that we all, more or less, looked like ourselves. Even better, the old high school categories that, right or wrong, divided us, didn't make sense anymore.

As with the college reunion, the need to impress just wasn't there.

Instead, we had fun reminiscing about our old teachers and how different our school experiences are from our children's. I realized that, yes, Facebook is the place to be if you're my age and want to keep up, even a little, with former classmates. We introduced our spouses to one another and revealed to them still-unshared escapades. We embarrassed and bored our kids with our stories.

Most of all, what I found at my two reunions was a realization that, as the years pass, we are not only the same people but also people who, through a shared past, have significant common ground.

We don't have to mask our age. We don't have to mask our experiences, since we've had very similar ones.

Once we move beyond those simple conversation starters -- "Where are you? What are you doing?" -- it becomes possible to remember with humor and grace the places and events that helped to make us the adults we are now.

Paula Peters Chambers is a freelance writer and editor. She can be reached at .