Dads should give a push, not hold on

Late Sunday afternoon, on the field at Maybeury Elementary School in Henrico County, a man went through one of the rituals of fa therhood.

He stood behind his son, who was seated on a bicycle. The father gave the bike a push, and his son began pedaling.

The little boy rode for about 20 yards, then felt it imperative to stop. Instead of hitting the brakes, he took his feet off the pedals and used his shoes to bring the bike to a running halt.

His father walked up quickly, and I had a pretty good idea of what he was saying.

"Great job. Look how far you went. Now, remember to use the brakes."

Been there. Done that. I smiled at the memory.

Fatherhood doesn't come with a manual. You do the best you can as you go along. If you've had a good father, half the battle is won. If you haven't, there are plenty of fathers who can show you the way. Wayne Anderson comes to mind.

A week ago, Anderson's 13-year-old daughter, Lyberty, won the RWGA championship.

In the title match, Wayne Anderson kept his distance from his daughter.

He moved quickly from hole to hole. He did not offer advice. He did not chastise her for bad shots. He applauded good shots by his daughter and her opponent, Lindsay Wortham.

Anderson let his daughter figure out things on her own.

You could look at him and see he was nervous. Fathers quickly learn one thing. It's much more stressful to watch your child compete than to compete yourself.

Fathers also can look at the Archie Manning example.

Manning was an outstanding college quarterback at Mississippi. He played in the NFL for 14 seasons. Yet, he never insisted his three sons play football.

His attitude, as well as that of his wife -- no small consideration in a healthy father-son dynamic -- was the Manning boys should do what they enjoyed.

Now, two Mannings are NFL quarterbacks -- Peyton for the Indianapolis Colts, Eli with the New York Giants. Each has a Super Bowl championship.

Sadly, not all sports stories have such nice endings.

Some fathers take what should be a healthy, enjoyable experience and turn it into a nightmare. Marv Marinovich put his son in a sports performance petri dish in order to develop the perfect athlete.

In Esquire Magazine, Mike Sager described how Todd Marinovich followed a strict diet almost from birth, did pull-ups, sit-ups and lifted light weights when he was 4 years old and always was taught to play through pain.

It worked, in a way. Todd Marinovich became a great athlete, an outstanding QB who started at USC and for the Oakland Raiders.

He also became a drug addict. He wasted what could have been a long NFL career.

No one can say for sure the father's methods led to the son's downfall. But there is more to learn about life than how to throw the perfect pass.

Fatherhood can offer tricky terrain. The thing to remember is you are there to help your children with their lives, not live your life through them.

Your job is to get them on the bike, give them a push when they need it, then let them go.

Make sure you're there to help if they fall, but never forget, it's their ride, not yours.

Contact Paul Woody at (804) 649-6444 or .